The Caves Of Gloom ... and Finding Your Way Out

“Going your own way” can be a very dark path, the first steps of which were often catastrophe – a marriage gone sour, accusations, restraining-orders, a ruinous divorce settlement. It’s easy, it’s natural, maybe even unavoidable, to get bogged down in frustration, anger, or despair – the ungodly unfairness of it all – and to slowly slide into the Caves of Gloom.

But even if it’s “natural,” does that make it right to stay there, to hold onto the pain, to succumb to bitterness, anger, and negativity? That’s up to you. But consider that compulsive, addictive negativity is often worse than the hurt that led to it – worse for you, and worse for those around you. It’s corrosive to the mind and soul. And it is appropriate for others to protect ourselves against it.

Negativity is a common theme in the MGTOW-sphere. But of course, it’s a common theme throughout a man’s life, a life of adversity and utility where “happily ever after” is a mockery and the dragon always wins in the end. Life has always been a struggle to survive. Males have always competed with each other to mate with females; and Briffault’s law is proven not only for humans, it’s the instinctual behavior for almost every animal species.

An animal's instinct is sufficient for them to eat and avoid being eaten, to compete for mates and territory, to whelp and raise their young. Animals can learn, too – even the dumbest coyote pisses but once on the electric fence – but it’s instinct that gets a pair of rams charging, and butting, and butting, until one gives up and the other fucks the flock. It’s instinct, not frustration or bird-brained sadism, that gets a woodpecker drumming on your drainpipe when you’re trying to sleep. It’s instinct, and the pleasure-circuitry of our brains, that gets your old buddy Larry to trot out his cheesy old pick-up lines, night after night, at the Languid Lizard Lounge.

However, we are capable of moving beyond instinct. (Though for many of us, that’s a struggle, and I’ll agree that many of us don’t bother.) We are capable of reason, and of following reason even when it takes us away from the well-worn nerve-paths of our instinct. We are capable of thinking things through, of choosing a goal for our own reasons, of renouncing the norms set by biology and enforced by society, and – you should be ready for this – going our own way. We are also capable of learning from others’ experience, and (uniquely among land-animals on this planet) of learning from the statements of others… spoken, written, or (most remarkably) displayed as text on a computer screen.

We have reached the point where we can form a virtual community on the Internet, made up of people who are, to each other, nothing more in fact but a name, a picture, and whatever we post on the forum. Thanks to the Internet, you are what you post.

Let me say that again: You are what you post.

And our community, this forum, is the total of what all of us post.

This forum's moderators are the directors of our virtual “homeowner’s association.” Sometimes I'm a policeman, more usually a garbage man. I spend a lot of time patrolling this space, and cleaning out the garbage, because I share the desire to make this a better community, a more enjoyable place to hang out, a marketplace of ideas where people like us, living with the same problems as us, can learn how to rebuild and improve their lives.

Is our neighborhood made any better by compulsive negativity? Is it helped by spreading blanket generalizations of disdain and distrust, by continually bitching about the fucked-up condition of our society, the ruinous predation of our courts, the batshit-crazy behavior of the Entitled Oppressed Princesses, the pussified conduct of the purple-poodle manginas that sniff after them, and the absolute fucking folly of Big Daddy Government?

I acknowledge these “bitching points” are all valid and severe problems for all of us. I also acknowledge that much of that bitching is in the nature of blowing off steam, of trying to expel the corrosive effects of the hurts dealt us by these forces of Society. But I want to ask you:

Is this all you want your life to be?

Is this all you want our community to be?

Do you really, truly, see no escape from the Caves of Gloom, from forever snorting out and breathing back in the fire and brimstone of righteous wrath?

Many of us have clambered out of the Caves of Gloom and found our way to the light. We're building new lives for ourselves, founded not in negativity but in optimism, hope and determination. We’ve been leaving signposts all over this forum in hopes of helping others find their own way, and we’re waiting to help you when you stagger out and to find you a seat in the sun.

Yes, there are problems with society. Yes, the bitches are truly bitches amd the deck is stacked against men in general. I don’t minimize the pain you’ve been through as I haven’t walked that mile in your moccasins, but I can imagine, and I view you and your journey with compassion.

We invite you not to define yourself solely by pain, damage, anger, or depression. We’d like to make GoingYourOwnWay a broad and well-defined path out of the Caves of Gloom. We ask you to help – and to measure and consider the amount of bile and anger that pours onto the path that we’ve got.


Comment by Jagrmeister:

PLEASE READ Beija's post above. It will become the basis of our moderation on GYOW.

We are here to encourage people to enjoy life -- to see the off-ramp from the mainstream, conformist blue pill lifestyle as a boon. And not waste time looking over their shoulder and bemoaning the main highway, which we ought to be grateful to exit. We will not tolerate excessive amounts of negativity, cynicism, defeatism. Perhaps there should be another board for people who want to stay in a phase of anger. But they won't be welcome here. We want to encourage users who talk about their hobbies, their hopes -- and there is nothing wrong with poking fun at women and giving color commentary on their regression to their original, jungle nature (with the abolition of traditionalism). But for those who are stuck on simple-minded indifference, unthinking cynicism, and trying to outcompete others on who can be the most negative, we will not be giving warnings. We will delete posts and ban users. If your post is deleted, consider that a favor. The only other option is: ban. And if a post of yours was deleted, chances are the mod will PM you and the next time it happens, it will be an automatic ban.

If you are reading this, and thinking "Good. Finally! We're going to get rid of the corrosive negativity that bothers me about MGTOW forums.", then great. We hope you'll stick around, and together we can improve the GYOW experience. If you're thinking "What kind of neonazi, 1984, Stalin/Leninist, cryptojew, Fahrenheit 451 bullshit is this", then we suggest you make a choice now to hop to another forum. There are many MGTOW forums out there, including  MGTOWHQ  and  MGTOW.com .

Myself, BeijaFlor, SirReaper, Chairborne, and Mr. Anonymous are intent on making GYOW a place where men can thrive in a positive environment. We appreciate your help in taking the forum in this direction.

 I would like to point out- at the outset, that this guidance is not up for debate. It is consistent with the Positive section of our Priniciples. However, we welcome an opportunity to clarify and answer any questions.