Blue-Pill Confessional: What's the least dignified Beta-male act you've made? 01

Chairborne :

Hey all. How about a trip down memory lane, to highlight the decisions we've made while blue-pill that totally robbed us of dignity? I have at least a dozen of them, so it's hard to choose - but I'll post a first one to get started, more will follow...

I was seeing a woman I had met on POF. She was military as well, 10 years younger than me (I was late 30's, she was late 20's) and in very good shape. We had no professional connection at all. I had convinced her to go out with me a couple of months prior, and I felt she was my 'girlfriend' at this point even though we hadn't 'put a label on it'.

She was from a small town outside a major military base. She wasn't a base brat, but one of the townies (locals) nearby. With such an overrepresentation in the male population in the area, she got it into her head that she was a 10+ (she was around an 8.5 easily though). But she learned that constant courtship and supplication was how men treated women. She had no idea of any other way to behave, and I was so muddled by wanting her (the sex was great) I turned myself into a total beta-chump.

I had to call her... She would never call me. It was incumbent on me to make sure that our dates were interesting, entertaining, and I had to keep upping the ante. A weekend at a nature resort. A trip to Toronto for shopping and clubbing. It got more and more expensive.

At one point I pushed back - just the tiniest little bit. (Bear in mind, I'm not yet taken the red-pill here). So I tell her that some time, she should take me out. She - reluctantly - agrees.

She doesn't call for quite some time, I still have to call her. One day, I call she finally invites me out for dinner. It's a steak restaurant in the burbs, late on a Wednesday night... and I live downtown. So... I get in a cab (don't own a car) and it costs me $35 just to get there. We meet, she's sweet and engaging. The waiter comes.

She orders:

A drink before the meal
An appetizer
A bottle of wine
An expensive choice for the main course
A drink after the meal
A desert
A coffee with liqueur

I ordered far less, but definitely a drink and a meal.

The bill comes. It sits on the table, and we're maintaining eye contact with each other. There's an awkward pause in the conversation. I break and glance at the bill. Make eye contact again, and she cross her arms in front of her. I get the message: even though she invited me out this time, after a couple of months of dating, I'm paying again. So I reach for the bill.

I look at it, and while I don't remember how much it was exactly, it was almost two hundred bucks with tax and tip. Now I thought I had a poker face on, but it's possible my eyes bugged out of my head like a cartoon character. She giggles, and asks "Tee-hee... Am I expensive?"

I respond "Yeah, but don't worry about it," and pull out my debit card.

I pay, and we start getting up to go. She asks me "So, do you want a ride?"

I figure why not - save $35 on the cab back, and she might spend the night at my place, even though it's a workday tomorrow. I agree, we get into her car, and she starts driving. She pulls into a strip-mall, where there's a bunch of storefronts. Among them is a bank. I thought to myself "Oh shit, Chariborne you're such an asshole - she didn't have the money to pay, she's probably going to make this up. Wow, was I ever a jerk for being so judgmental and assuming."

She drives past the bank and pulls up at the public transit stop.

"Here you are," she says.

I'm stunned. She drove me to a goddamned bus stop. So I did what any self-loathing blue-pill Beta-pussy would do.

"Uh - thanks hun." Lean in for a kiss. Give her one. "Can I call you tomorrow, we can make plans this weekend?"

"Sure." she says.

I kept dating her for another four months.


William Noy :

>   Originally Posted by Chairborne 

> That's harsh man. Essentially it's rewarding her (indirectly) for cheating. Not quite cuckold at least.

Tell me about it. I actually looked into the paternity of both my kids. Dodged a bullet


bob :

> the sex was great
Oh gawd, so many f'd up things flow from that. I've done some amazingly terrible blue-pill stuff. I am actually too ashamed to relate the worst. Sorry.


William Noy :

Not sure if this counts since I didn't feel like I could walk away due to circumstances that didn't have to do with the woman:

I decided to fight for my marriage so my kids could have a stable family life even though I knew my ex-wife was cheating on me. I loathed every moment of it. Were it not for the kids, I would have showed her the door the minute I found out (as I did with a previous girlfriend).

In hindsight, I now know that my kids are actually better off with just us. But I didn't have that perspective back then.


Chairborne :

That's harsh man. Essentially it's rewarding her (indirectly) for cheating. Not quite cuckold at least.

 got another one;

Reference my intro thread, LTR number three ...


>   Originally Posted by Chairborne
> #3 ...Neither of us wanted kids, and she went with me when I got a vasectomy. Eventually I needed to go to Afghanistan -
> I didn't want to be that soldier who avoids deployment, even though she didn't want me to go.
> I entertained her concerns, but went anyways (I had started developing more independent instincts I guess).
> Halfway through the tour, she asks me for an 'open relationship', since I was the selfish one who left her back in the big city.
> Oddly enough, all that deployment money was going to pay for our house - once she got that she didn't feel the need to wait for me to come back to get action.
> She fucked 'That Guy from the dog park', and dumped me - telling me that NOW she wanted kids.

So, I'll elaborate on this. We went on vacation during my leave, mid-way through my tour in Afghanistan. It was a romantic river cruise down the Danube. It's the last day, or maybe the second last day of the cruise. We're on the upper deck of the riverboat, having a drink in the night air, and she tells me that she wants to have a serious conversation.

Her: "Chairborne, it's not fair that you left the country and left me alone. I can't do this on my own. Think about me and how I feel..."

Needless to say, I'm thinking "goddamn, what's coming? Am I getting dumped? What about her? I'm the one in a war zone trying to earn extra money for us to buy the house... Is she dumping me?!

Her: "I want an open relationship."

"Um..." I'm gobsmacked.

This is where the blue-pill, beta pussy comes up. She found an alpha to fuck, and rather than dump me, she wants me, the beta-chump, to keep paying for the house so she can fuck her new boyfriend in it. For a moment I tasted the Red Pill... I seriously contemplated asking for some alone time, walking to the cabin, packing up my credit cards, some clothes, my passport and a couple of other items, going to the kitchen, asking for a zip-lock bag, then heading to the deck and jumping into the river, swimming to the shore, and hitchiking the fuck back to a hotel, drying off and then going to the airport.

But instead of swallowing that red pill, I spat it out and pulled the most Beta-chump move of my life.

"Well, I guess... It means that both of us can see other people? But you won't fall in love with him?"

Her: "No Chairborne, I'll always love you first and foremost. It's just while you're away."

So it wasn't until later that I did the mental calculation to realize that if we both get the freedom to fuck around it ain't in the least bit fair, given that she's in a major city with a 50/50 sex ratio, and I'm on a goddamned FOB with 90% men and a strict non-fraternization rule.

But I agreed anyways because I didn't know what else to do.

We talked on the phone a couple of months later, since she said she wanted kids... so that the relationship was over. I didn't even have the balls to walk away. Fucking sad.

>   Originally Posted by Chairborne
> Funny anecdote after the end of this relationship; I remember coming home from deployment, full tan kit on.
> I was pretty scary looking to be honest. I walk into my own house, she's not there, but That Guy from the dog park is in my kitchen.
> I asked him what he was doing there, he said "waiting for her". I told him to wait someplace else, and he slunk out the back door.
> Six months later, he stole five grand from her and disappeared to the West Coast. nice guy. #3 tried consistently to get me back.
> Sorry hun, that door's closed to you now, I wasted 7 of my best, most youthful years on this one.

So there was some comeuppance at least.


Free and Clear :

Fantastic ending to LTR3 Chairborne. Wait what's that I hear? It's the sound of not having to pay for that woman's mistakes.....


toolate :

Yeah, I married the single mom. White knighted all the way. Had to shovel the shit from the horse I rode in on too. I too kept the family together for the kids. Just in time for the youngest to turn 18 she gets very sick. 8 years later she checks out and I am finally free. 30 years of BPD heaven.

What would I do different?

Not get married, ever, and snip my swimmer drip lines, too.


frog :

Parent's went on vacation, and like any kid would do, I had a party. Invited a young honey I was sweet on, and she came. Where do you suppose she met her future husband? Can I shoot myself in the foot, or what? They are my best friends now days, but it wasn't much fun back then.
The server's not big enough to list the rest, so I'm going to stop now.


jso :

I used to be nice to my mom.

and I suppose I should add that I am still in love with every girl I had a crush on. it's really more like I'm in love with my ideal of her, rather than who she actually is. except for the anime characters, that is absolutely true and pure.

that's all I can think of.


frog :

I don't deserve to be here, compared to that Toolate... Geeze.


toolate :

Oh yes you do. This is not about how much more each of us has suffered or been scorned, this is about learning the game, and learning not to play the game before it's toolate.


William Noy :

Yeah, frog. We tell these stories so that you maybe won't have similar ones of your own. You do belong here.


Free and Clear :

Dated a broke horse girl for less than a year, paid for everything (see my intro). She ditched my ass when I didn't have the extra income to continue seeing her as frequently. Cost of relationship - 5K (hotels, dinners, adventures) Mental Sanity - no price on what this did to my psyche at the time. Horse girls are fucked in the head, refer to

Aaron Clarey breaks down financially irresponsible horse women - 

Terrence Popp  take on horse women 

Avoid Women With Horses

Redemption -

I picked up a lucrative contracting job few months after the break up. The funds from the job financed my half year vacation in South America including adventures and hookers. Best part of this? Horse girl still works temp jobs as the wall fast approaches.


BrotherJ :

Chairborne, I hate you so much for starting this thread. It's like studying physics by examining slow motion videos of passenger train wrecks. At any rate, I guess I'll throw in a couple of cents.

I once had a fiancee. Passive-aggressive abuse was her norm. If nothing had gone wrong in a week, she would create something simply to have some reason to be crazy pissed. She was manipulative as hell and never gave anything for free. She acted as if anything I wanted was criminally difficult and selfish, while all of her wants were totally justified. She eventually "diagnosed" herself with borderline personality disorder. She physically assaulted me and I never assaulted her. She cheated on me and I never cheated on her. She once stopped in mid-conversation to go to the bathroom and got in the shower with her clothes on to literally sit in a fetal position in the corner of the stall and rock back and forth while mumbling softly. She once spent two days saying that she was possessed by a demon and telling me that I was too. That "relationship" lasted about three years. That was my first girlfriend. She was actually kind of ugly and she had no tits.


Alik Sakharov :

What the fuck guys just what the fuck.


Thomas Covenant :

I was saved from a blue pill fate worse than death.

I had a single-mum flirting with me. There was a slight feeling of "something's not quite right" so I was kind of stalling. My extreme lack of game probably saved me at that point (probably prevented me from taking the initiative). She was also quite attractive (good figure anyway) so my mind went down the track of "why is she interested now"?

At about that time I stumbled onto the famous "Don't date single moms" thread (via a Dick Masterson YouTube video, I forget how I found that). I don't think I have ever been beaten within an inch of my life by pure logic before, but once it was read, it could not be unread. I like to think in the long-term, and the point raised there was if you are a father to a single mother's children, you will still be a third wheel at any point the real father decides to show up and push you out of the picture. That did it for me.

Then I learned that no man can have children anyway, they can only help a woman have hers (I learned about the laws). Not being able to have children, women (although not worthless) have lost most of their purpose to me. I consider myself red-pill now because I am no longer interested in any kind of "relationship". The thing I find quite ironic, is I am so much better at interacting with women now. Being red pill IMO gives you a basic level of game, or an awareness. And not caring what the result of an interaction will be makes that interaction so easy it's automatic.

To answer the OP properly, I did go for a date from Match.com. I had sent 10 messages and got a date out of it, so was feeling pretty pumped up about that. I didn't know it at the time, but I got the alpha widow date from hell. I think I spent about 3 hours hearing about some guy. I guess it wasn't totally horrible, but I didn't enjoy myself even for one minute. I've had another couple of dates which went better, but they still weren't any fun. My blue pill mistake was going on dates because I was supposed to (because that's what men do) instead of realising that I don't enjoy them and going my own way. The red pill me thinks in very simple terms. If I am doing something, and it's not fun or self-improving, then I need to be paid to do it.


Alik Sakharov :

Top post my dude top post !!!


O.G. :

(Pushes chips to center of table)

Okay I'm in..........

My ex wife cupcake was a bi-polar whack. Near the end of my marriage we were headed into the city for her mom's birthday party. About a 1 1/2 hour drive. Cupcake would drive in to town. I would drive on the way back.

Car is loaded up with presents, and off we go. We are less than 2 minutes from the house and just talking about whatever as she drove. WHAM!!! SHE GOES OFF!!! Starts screaming "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE". She is pounding the steering wheel with both hands as fists, and kicking her feet. We are on a two lane country road doing 60mph at the time.

Then she screams "I JUST WANT TO PUT US IN THE DITCH!". She then grabs the wheel with both hands, floors the accelerator, and heads for the ditch! I am in the passenger seat freaking the fuck out. I lean over and grab the wheel with my left hand. I reach over with my right hand and turn the ignition off. I am careful to not turn it far enough to lock the wheel. Just kill the engine. While I am steering the non running vehicle with my left hand to the shoulder of the road, she continues pounding the wheel and kicking her feet in the drivers seat.

The car coasts to a stop on the side of the road. I turn the keys off all the way. Remove them from the vehicle and get the fuck out of the car. She's still whackin out behind the wheel of the parked car but is losing steam. I walked about ten feet up the road and watched it happen through the windshield. She finally stopped the pounding and kicking. Then she sat there and cried for a while. As I stood on the side of the road about those ten feet away.

Eventually she gets out of the car and starts to walk toward me. No more crying or whack shit going on. I back up a step or two with each step she takes toward me. She's saying to me she's okay now. Apologizing profusely, it's no big deal, could have happened to anybody, she doesn't know what came over her, etc...etc.....etc.

I realize I'm in the wide open country, 5 mins from my house on an empty road. I tell her to just get in the car on the passenger side. I going to drive us back home. She did as told. I drive us the 5mins. back home. We pull into the driveway and I turn the car off. She looks at me and asks "why are we back home? we need to get to my moms birthday" I say fuck that. I'm not going anywhere but in the house. WHAM!!! SHE GOES OFF AGAIN" This time in the passenger seat, in the driveway to our home. Screaming kicking, dash pounding and pleading. She MUST go to that party. I CAN"T tell her family what happened. Her freak out continues at epic levels.

Now here comes the blue pill confession.

I FUCKING AGREE TO DRIVE THIS CUNT TO THIS PARTY TO SHUT HER THE FUCK UP AND STOP THE TANTRUM!!!

I turn the key on and back out the drive. She goes 100% normal as we head into town. Trying to chat me up on the long ride in. We attend the party where she is as normal as can be to me and her family. Same shit on the ride home. Just your average everyday loving wife. Who six hours earlier tried to drive us both into the ditch at 60 to 70mph.

It's a longer story but I finally filed the divorce 6-8months later.
I thing I just won our "The Biggest Loser" contest. I'm not too proud about that either.

P.S. You know what.
Fuck it. I'm going to tell the rest of this story because it's important.

At the time we were in marriage counseling over her first affair. I was 110% blue pill.
"Marriages take work" "People make mistakes" "Why throw away 10 years of marriage over a mistake" "Marriage is not always a bed of roses" "If you love a person you help them through their problems" "You don't dessert your wife when she's in trouble" "Real men can show unconditional love" " For better or worse. In sickness and in health".........and fucking on and on and on. I was getting that kind of advice from family, friends, counselors and the whole fucked up blue pill society.

I fucking manned up alright, and divorced that damn near murdering whacked out bitch.

I am a forever changed man for the better.
No person let alone some twat ,will ever do something like that to me again.