Evermore dating profiles of delusional ****s

#1 Ms. Perfect

"I like to say my hero is Mary Poppins, because she’s “practically perfect in every way”. Don’t worry, I promise I don’t think I’m perfect!"

This beauty has got it going on. She has false humility to go along with her obvious unrealistic opinion of herself. This ugly duckling insists you have to be 6 feet or taller. So tall, your head will be far enough away that you can't easily see her buck teeth - which are terrifying up close. She also has a salary minimum in her requirements for a guy. She is a Match.com favorite- no not of the men on the site, but of Match.com's head of marketing because she is going to be on that site for life!

And there's this gem from her: "When I visited NYC last summer I was kind of appalled by the veggies they had at the store… Maybe that’s why everyone eats out all the time!"



- Yeah, that's great!

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#2. Desperately seeking Beta Bailout

"I also run a small business which seems to take up a lot of my time. As much as I love all this I want to slow down and really take advantage of the beautiful things around me. I love the area I live in and would like to spend more time involving myself in what it has to offer."

"Please dont take yourself too serious" - I promise not to take you seriously, that's for sure. Can you make it any more obvious that you want someone to foot your bill so you can loaf around all day?

This "curvy" clown wants a 6 footer and ruled out guys who are overweight- LOL.

And here's chubbs posing with her brother or some guy who pumped and dumped her, or just a random stranger:

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#3

A gem: "I'm sarcastic....opinionated.....direct....curse like a sailor. Zero tolerance for bad produce. I'm definitely a sucker for the tall fellas. If you don't like tattoos on women, it'll never work between us."

This fool who no one wants, for obvious reasons, has height, education and salary requirements.

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#4

There's the curvy pastry chef who wants you to pay for her "planned trip" to Paris. Bon Appetite!

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#5 - The female equivalent of Willie Loman

This **** here puts herself down as 'Slender'



"I've been described many times as a fire cracker....I've been in the specialty food business for years. My fridge is full of fun (judging by your belly, someone's been having fun, that's for sure). I manage west coast sales for a cheese import company. I really enjoy my job, it's delicious."

As a good salesperson, you should know you can't lie ("slender') about a product we can see with our own eyes. Are you taking your sales commissions in cheese? NO SALE"

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#6

Goddamn how many "curvy" female fatasses are there on this site? LOL. Shouldn't they have their own site they can fill up?

This fatso puts 'fitness' as one of her activities. You're doing it wrong! 3 of her other activities have to do with food or drink. Fatso wants a man 5'10 or higher and ideally shares her preference of phoning it in at the gym, and spending the remaining time "eating out" and "having brunch" - lol.

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Thanks again Match.com. This is increasingly my go-to site for end of workday humor, surpassing even TheOnion.